Cultivating Happiness

Positive psychology has established a notion that optimism can be learnt. When you experience hardship, if your action can change the outcome for the better, then you are going to be more convinced about such a pattern in the future in face of other adversity. In other words, you learnt to be more optimistic. Should you reverse the condition, learnt helplessness is also real.

After studying about this concept, my memory lane goes back to an important day in my life more than two decades ago. I was 12 years old, on day 1 of my 7th grade. It was a not an usual first day in school for me because I was entering an entire new class (in China, the grade school keeps all the students in the same class throughout the entirety of the span of the years they spend in one school so it was very unusual to switch class). This was the most advanced class in the grade and I earned my spot there by consistently ranking top 10 in the entire grade of 600 students. However, soon after the first class started, the vice principal came to the door and called my name in the most stern voice. “Come to my office! Immediately”. I was scared, not sure what was to come, but I knew he wasn’t planning anything good.

I saw another tall boy in the same office, appearing to be just as nervous and distressed as I was. Then the vice principal berated us, saying how we went around him and arranged the change of class and how our action deeply upset our previous homeroom teachers and they came crying to ask us back. I was in complete disbelief, but was not given any opportunity to say a word. “Go back to your previous class, your teacher is awaiting you. Don’t you dare be the trouble maker again” he escorted us out of his office with this final threat and then he closed the door behind him.

This tall boy and I looked at each other, both feeling utterly disappointed and frustrated. He then said to me “well, I guess we did try. Now we have no choice but to follow the vice principal’s order”. I looked at him one more time, wanting to say something but I stopped myself. I turned around, anger and rage overwhelmed me, I knew I was wronged and the vice principal was manipulative and unjust. “What to do, what to do, if I go back now, then everything is over”. As I tried to pace myself to walk as slowly as possible to give myself time to think, all of a sudden, a light bulb came on. I said to myself “this is not happening, I will not go back without a fight” I started to run as fast as I could, I bypassed the school gatekeeper and literally got out of the campus premise. I then ran as if my life depended on it, all the way back to my father’s office. During my escape from the insanity, I had a strong faith in my head “Just run Jia, run! Once you get to Daddy, you will be safe. Daddy will take care of this. You will be okay”.

My Dad, my biggest cheerleader in my life, a man who taught me what unconditional love is, indeed did not let me down. I was asked to stay home for that day while he made a phone call to the principal to complain about my experience. Afterwards, I was reassured that I belonged to the advanced class as I deserved and no one would ever cause such a scene again.

The next morning, I showed up again in school, with a mixed feeling and all. But I held my head high, like a proud lion cub, who just won her first big battle. From that day on, I knew, as long as you use your head and take action, you can change your life for the better. Now I know its official term “learnt optimism”. What a brilliant and empowering moment, I wish you all can experience it one day, if not already.